The moustachio!

I’m writing this from my blog cave deep in the bowels of my lofted office…and well, moustaches are so hot right now, and well I’m thinking about it because of my bowling team (Tom Selleck’s Moustache.)

But I’d like to at least talk about moustaches for a bit before we consider how to care for one, because understanding the monster is the best way to domesticate it, and then eventually let it out of the cave.

First of all, you could be reading this on wikipedia, its where I find my relevant information, but I will paraphrase it for you, because I’m that kind of guy. Your welcome.

On with it already. A moustache or mustache, but I prefer the mous(and pronouncing it Moosestash) is commonly understood as facial hair grown on the upper lip. And we can abbreviate the word to be; stache. Further reading into the famed facial hair is it’s tendency to associate with slang terms such as, the lady tickler, trash stash, nose bug, or mobile tea strainer.

The moustache’s history dates way back to 300 BC, but it is more modernly worn by men of military. It has been seen that younger lesser ranked individuals in the military wore smaller, less elaborate moustaches while men of high rank wore them thicker and bushier. It has also been know to indicate villains.

My favorite idea behind the moustache is the growing competition. As with anything in this world a competition is fun to invoke between friends and family alike. And a moustache growing competition does not fail to please. But if you really want to take your “game” to the next level, the good folks at the world beard and moustache championship are likely to take you in. With a trip to fabulous Anchorage, Alaska, you could settle in and put your moustache to good use.

The World Beard & Moustache Championships considers 6 sub categories in the moustache category.

The natural (styled without aids), the hungarian (big and bushy & swept to side), the dali (narrow and long), the english (narrow and pointed no wider than lips), the imperial(curled upward), and a freestyle which is anything that doesn’t fit in the other categories.

You can obviously read team USA’s blog (who doesn’t have one) for all your beard and moustache needs. You should also check out our World Champion from Washington state in this video .

Anywho, lets get back to the ’stache care, because that’s what your here for.

If you have the ability, here’s a few quick maintenance ideas for you to consider.

• Use a beard trimmer with a 3-5 setting for optimum thickness
• Condition with hair conditioner a couple times a week
• Moustache waxes can be found online

Just get out there, rock the Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, or Ron Burgundy look, and you over-achievers, join a competition.

And if you are totally afraid of what you might turn into, check this out and make your own ’stache.  I did it, it’s not so bad really.

Or just rock this t-shirt. Enjoy!

Let the insults ensue.

• Leave a comment

Well, he’s dead as you’ve most definitely heard. I always thought he was a really sharp man, certainly one of the best if not the greatest observational comedians. He was so influential, part of his notoriety made it to a major supreme court case for the 7 dirty words you weren’t allowed to say on the television, or radio…

thanks internet, they are as follows….

Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits.

I thought it would be fitting to use this video to explain his genius.

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.”

RIP

• Leave a comment

Canned burgers aside it’s been a slow time in history, as far as the blogosphere goes, but the show must go on. This past weekend I received a wonderful gift, it was an dvd copy of Rambo IV; and let me tell you, it was nothing short of amazing. So I took it upon myself to find out who the man behind the HGH is. Without further ado, my John Rambo interview.

JAV: So, Rambo, if that is your real name, what convinced you to make a fourth film on a trilogy that was already so successful, and so old?

Rambo: I’d have to say, that if you are pushed this far, shooting film, is as easy as breathing. It was an important move artistically to have made this movie, as a final chapter to a gritty story.

JAV: You were breathing heavily after taking down so many jungle guerillas. But let me ask you, is being a sixty-five year old war veteran, taking a toll on your mind and your body?

Rambo: Really when it comes down to it, they all drew first blood. It takes a bit away from me psychologically, of course, if you hadn’t noticed, I barely spoke a line in my latest movie, which is available on Blu-Ray DVD…and well, we all know I’ve been using some form of muscular enhancing drugs, but who doesn’t these days?

JAV: So in your latest installment, you upped the ante, killing 83 individuals, beating out Rambo III by 5 kills, how do you explain mowing down jungle guerrillas to impressionable youth?

Rambo: Last I checked impressionable youth aren’t allowed in rated R films. Either way, they can think what they like, I’m just trying to teach them the difference between good and evil, and about the amazing power of a truck mounted .50 cal machine gun, or is it a tree clearer?

JAV: Honestly, I’ve been a fan of the series for a long time, and in my opinion this film was long overdue, it’s a wonderfully artistic, gritty piece of cinema, that really crawls inside your head and reveals what even one man can do with 12 years of combat training, massive weapons, and a huge napoleon complex.

• Leave a comment

And the party goes….wild? No, well at least from what I’ve read Hillary, or the Rod as I like to call her, is open to the VP.

I’m going out on a limb and saying Obama will avoid her insanity at all costs. It’s good they’ve finally concluded here, because really they want the same thing. It is really important for the donkeys to go after the presidency rather than fight each other.

As far as a call for change, as Obama has been using as the mantra for his campaign, I doubt he’ll actually take HRC for the Veep. Sorry world, no ‘dream ticket’ this time around.

If he wins, he better tackle these terrible energy and fuel costs first. It’d win my vote. Like that matters though, I’m from DeMocratachusetts.

link

• Leave a comment

Maybe I’m not hip. Maybe I’m not down with cultured foods, or maybe I don’t spend enough time eating .89 tacos from the bell. But I did spend a meal eating a delicious BBQ Pork quesadilla last night, and realized one universal truth about mexican food.

When the waitress brings your food out on the tray, in this hypothetical example you are eating with a few other people, and said tray has numerous examples of mexican cuisine; on this tray you will unravel the most universal truth about mexican food.

On the tray, there is absolutely no way to tell which plate is yours. There is no discernible difference between quesadillas, burritos, and enchiladas.

Quesadillas are flat, burritos are rolled, and enchiladas are rolled. All contain cheese, beans, rice and or meat.  Honestly, they are still some of the tastiest creations I will ever eat. I mean hello, carne asada!

• Leave a comment